In June 2025, an incident in America, Arizona captured international attention: four fifth-grade girls, aged only 10 and 11 years, were charged with plotting to kill a classmate. According to multiple news reports, the girls had planned to lure the boy into a school bathroom to stab him in the stomach and then forge a suicide note, all while wearing gloves to avoid leaving their fingerprints. 

It was revealed that the motive was jealousy- one of the girls believed the boy had cheated on her in what was described as a ‘school relationship’. This plan was only discovered because a classmate overheard their conversation and decided to inform an adult.  

While this case occurred in America, Arizona, it highlights a universal issue relevant to all families and schools: the critical importance of emotional regulation in children. 

Understanding Emotional Regulation 

Emotional regulation is the ability of an individual to modulate an emotion or set of emotions (Source: APA Dictionary of Psychology)  

Being able to self-regulate is a key life skill that can have lasting impact that influences emotional health, learning and relationships as well. This skill develops gradually over childhood and adolescence; most studies discuss 2 main influences on emotional regulation: 

1) Biological factors- The maturation of key prefrontal cortex control regions develops at a slower rate than the brain systems responsible for affective response / emotions – like the amygdala.  

Some studies also highlight the disruptive impact of neglect or maltreatment, and the experience of prolonged and chronic stress, on the development of brain systems critical for executive functioning in the early stages of development. This tells us that when understanding emotional regulation, we cannot look to neurobiology alone. 

2) Environmental factors- Children learn how to handle emotions through examples set by the adults, cultural norms, and social influences that they are surrounded by. That is why how caregivers react and respond becomes important for children. As caregivers and stakeholders to the process of children’s development, we need to ask ourselves:  

• Are we able to regulate our own emotions? 

• When things get challenging, how do we cope, and respond? 

• What tone of voice, language, behaviours and mannerisms become default? 

• What impact might this have on the children who are witnessing us?  

• What lessons may they be learning about responding to challenges or intense emotions? 

Other socio-cultural and environmental factors also influence emotional regulation, responses and reactions including peers and media. We need to ask ourselves what are children’s developing brains and value systems exposed to through social media, video games, and peer influence. 

Nowadays with the social fabric and context changing so much in addition to the space for expression emerging on social platforms since emotional struggles among children are increasingly visible.  

In recent years, reports of bullying, academic stress, cyberbullying, and social media have become more common across schools. Children as young as those in primary school have access to platforms where conflicts and comparisons can intensify negative emotions and without adult guidance, these experiences can leave children feeling isolated and overwhelmed. 

How Group Dynamics Can Escalate Harm 

If we look back at the American case in Arizona, we realise the impact of ‘peer influence.’ The girls allegedly had given themselves specific roles for bringing the knife, for being a lookout, to actually carry out the stabbing, and lastly, to write the suicide note. 

This group dynamic is known as groupthink. When children reinforce each other’s anger, they may lose the hesitation that would normally stop them from acting on harmful ideas. We must realise that whether in person or through group chats, peer pressure can normalize aggression or exclusion. That is why early intervention and adult supervision are essential to prevent escalation. 

Recognizing Warning Signs of emotional distress 

Parents and teachers can play a key role in prevention by observing changes in children’s behaviour. Caregivers noticing the signs prior to the escalation to this point becomes critical.  

Warning signs of emotional distress or potential aggression can include: 

1. Frequent talk about harming oneself or others, even as a joke 

2. Obsessive jealousy or anger over friendships or relationships 

3. Sudden withdrawal from family and friends 

4. Secretive behaviour, particularly about online activities 

5. Strong fixation on violent stories, games or videos 

Parents and caregivers should be on the lookout for these signs. It is important not to dismiss them as harmless or typical childhood behaviour.  Parents and caregivers must follow up with supportive action through conversation with transparency and without judgment, spotlighting spaces for experiencing empathy is also important. 

Supporting Emotional Regulation in Children 

Helping children build emotional regulation requires consistent efforts at home and in school. Here are some strategies that caregivers and parents should adopt to support them: 

•  Model Healthy Responses 

Children learn how to react by watching adults. Expressing frustration or disappointment calmly shows that difficult emotions can be managed without aggression. When we are able to ground ourselves and notice that we are dysregulated, simply grounding oneself in simple ways – taking a deep conscious breath, engaging in movement, drink some water, taking time out – can support us to regulate in the moment and respond in supportive ways. 

Following up any dysregulation with open communication addressing any behaviour that may not be supportive is also helpful. Sometimes acknowledging that our emotions got away with us, and even apologising for hurt caused shows children that emotions are not something to be afraid of or ashamed of and gives them a frame of reference for engaging with their own emotions. 

• Encourage Open Communication 

Many children fear being scolded for sharing negative feelings. Creating a safe space for honest conversations helps them process emotions before they build up. Creating safe space is not only about telling your child they can come up to you with anything – but also about how we engage with them prior to any crisis situations. Avoid being dismissive of what they may bring up, scolding them for disclosures made or ridiculing them. 

Check in with your children, especially if you notice any signs that suggest that they may be experiencing distress.  

• Help children express themselves 

Help children label feelings like anger, jealousy, embarrassment, or sadness. When children can describe what they feel, they are less likely to act impulsively. 

Create space for identifying emotions at home and even at school especially when situations are challenging.  

Practice attuning to your own emotions and naming them. Ask children when dysregulated –  

1. What it is that you are feeling right now? 

2. What could be supportive right now? 

Age sensitive conversations are possible – even for toddlers. 

• Discuss Digital Influences 

Talk about what they see online and how it makes them feel. If you are watching something together, and they witness something not age appropriate don’t simply change the channel / turn off your device. Create space for an open conversation about what they have seen.  

Discuss the difference between entertainment and real life and set reasonable limits on screen time. Children these days have access to a wide range of information from various sources. Encourage them to fact check with you. Actively support them to make sense of and process any instances of harm, violence and intolerance in your immediate context, rather than ignoring it or pretending it didn’t happen. 

• Offer Constructive Coping Strategies 

Show children alternatives to acting out by encouraging them to practice emotional regulation by writing in a journal, taking deep breaths, going for a walk, or talking to a trusted adult when upset. 

And remember – practice with them, they will do what you do, not what you say. 

• Seek Professional Help  

If a child repeatedly talks about harming themselves or others, shows intense aggression or persistent emotional distress, consult a child psychologist or counsellor. Early support can prevent more serious problems.  

Don’t forget to reach out for support yourself if you need support. 

Conclusion 

We must look at the said American Case in Arizona case as an extreme example of what can happen when emotional struggles go unaddressed. This issue is true irrespective of country or culture since today’s children are connected to the same media and the same social platforms.  

For us, here in India, where academic achievement often takes priority over emotional development, families and schools must ensure that children learn these skills early. By prioritising emotional regulation, we can help children grow into empathetic, resilient adults capable of handling life’s challenges without resorting to harm. 

If you would like to know how to take forward these conversations in your home, school or context reach out to us on connect@equilibrioadvisory.org 

Written by Adv. Farzeen Khambatta & Rosanna Rodrigues